How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
