hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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