she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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