Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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