If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Green mimosas i think yes
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
