I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
