Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
