It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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