I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
