Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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