I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
