Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
