you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
