Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
