The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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