does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
