So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
