You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
