i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
