I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
