Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She bit a glass in half.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
