All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
