Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
