You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
