oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
