I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
They took my balls.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
