Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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