You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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