Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
