I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
