it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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