I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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