Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
