The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
