Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Randomize
