I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think people are normalizing furries
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
