What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
