i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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