Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Randomize
