guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
