do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
God, I missed his penis.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
