I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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