hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
MIDGETS
????
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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