I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
