"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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