i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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