i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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