Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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