I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
