Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
