why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
