Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
