Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
